Contentment: 2015

Contentment.

That is going to be my word for 2015.

2015?!  I don't know how it can possibly be 2015 already.  It does not feel like 15 years have passed since the year we rang in the new millennium and I started high school.

Anyway, I always feel reflective and pensive on January 1. What did I accomplish last year?  What do I hope to accomplish in the year to come?  It seems I always have higher hopes than accomplishments.  But that is OK.  Better to have high goals and fall short than to have no goals and accomplish nothing.  

So here are my concrete goals for 2015.

1.  Read more.  I always have reading goals, because reading has been one of my true loves in life since I learned how at 4 years old. I used to read voraciously, but recently I have found two major distractions that keep me from reading as much as I would like: technology, and Xander.  I can't do anything about that second reason obviously, but I can definitely do something about the first.  It is so easy for me to get on my tablet to check Facebook "real quick", and then 30 minutes later, I've wasted all my reading time.  I just need to be more intentional about not frittering my free time away. My actual goal is to read 3 books a month: one parenting book, one Christian or marriage book, and one for fun book.  I probably won't accomplish this, but it's something to work toward.

2.  Speaking of reading, I want to read the Bible all the way through.  I have done this a couple of times in my life, but I got a new Bible for Christmas, the ESV reader's Bible, and I would like to just read it cover to cover.  It's time I did it again.

3.  James and I have a joint resolution this year to be really good with our budgeting and saving.  When we were both working, we saved my income, so we didn't really have to be as strict with our monthly budget.  But since I stopped working, we have to be strict in order to stay within our budget AND save for all of our long-term expenses/goals.  We haven't been very good at this in recent years and therefore haven't saved as much as we should have.  It's time to buckle down.  On the plus side, come October we will send in the last payment of James' student loan and be completely debt free (except for our mortgage)!  That will feel really good.

That brings me to my word for the year.  Contentment.  Personal character goals are always much harder to track progress, but I need to work on this.  I always get very stressed when working on our budget.  Why?  Well, partially it is because being a grown up stinks - the government takes a third of your money, food and housing costs a bloody fortune, and there's always something that needs to be fixed or purchased or replaced. But a lot of it is because the budget reminds me that I have to exercise restraint and limit myself.  I hate to admit it, but this doesn't come easily for me.  I struggle with contentment and entitlement even as I fight against it.  It's not pretty.  

I get caught in a negative thinking pattern - I need more money, more stuff, more square feet, more luxuries.  We live in an area with a high median income, it is hard not to compare.  I don't live in my dream house, I don't drive my dream car, I don't have a smart phone, cable TV, or the body I had in college.  And I feel like I need more or better to be happy.  

Well that is a lie.  I will never be happy with more or better stuff.  I know that, and yet I still fight discontentment.  I'm not saying that I am not happy; in general, I am very happy.  But it creeps up on you slowly until you can only see what you don't have.  

So this year, I am making a conscious effort to choose contentment.  I have a God who loves me, a wonderful family, a warm cozy house, plenty of food to eat, and more stuff than I could ever need.  It is enough; it is more than enough. This year I choose contentment.

Whatever the cost, Thou hast taught me to say, "It is well, it is well with my soul!"

Food Woes

Because Xander makes me pull my hair out regarding his eating habits, I thought I'd share so you can all sympathize.  Or at least understand why I am stressed 3 times a day plus snacks. Here is a categorized list of what is and is not acceptable for His Royal Highness.

Here's what he WILL eat pretty much any time it's offered:

Fruit - any and all, pureed, fresh, or dried, it doesn't matter.

Yogurt

Crackers

Rice Cakes

Popcorn

Cheerios

Pretzels

Baby food pouches

Fish - namely, tilapia sauteed in butter with lemon pepper seasoning

Chicken nuggets (which is not a regular food in our house.  It's a treat)

Chipotle burrito bowls (again, not regularly on the menu)

Cookies (he's had maybe 3 in his whole life)

Here's what he MIGHT eat, depending on his mood, but probably not:

Cheese sticks - the string cheese kind, no other kind will do

Red bell peppers

Cucumbers

Olives

Pickles

Corn - maybe once a month he will scarf it like he's never tasted anything so good.  Every other time it instantly gets thrown off the plate.

Peanuts

Sweet potatoes

Peas

Here is what he WILL NOT eat or even taste:

Pasta - Who's child is he?? Because he can't be mine.

Bread - Again, WHERE DID YOU COME FROM??

Rice

Meat

PB&J - This used to be on his "acceptable" list.  Now he won't touch it.

Most Veggies

Potatoes

Beans - unless they are in my Chipotle burrito bowl.

Anything I make for dinner except fish

So basically, my kid exists on sugary fruit, baby food, processed starches, and dairy.  With the occasional vegetable thrown in for good measure.  I would stop giving him the baby food pouches, but they are often the only vegetables he gets in a day. I love him but he is driving me crazy.  I really hope someday I will look back at this time and laugh, but right now I really can't imagine that.  Sigh.

15 months!

My little boy is 15 months old today!  How time does fly. 

My child is a full-fledged toddler now!  He is walking everywhere, and tries to run.  He is about 23 lbs with a big potbelly, but his 12-month pants are too long on him.

He says about 4 words, my favorite being "hi," often accompanied by a wave. He says "daddy" "uh-oh" and "moo" in his own special way that only mommy can understand. Also he thinks every animal says Moo.  He understands a lot though.  When I say "let's go upstairs" he will run over to the stairs, and he gets very excited when I say we're going outside. Today when I put kiwi on his plate, he didn't know what it was so he wouldn't eat it.  But when I told him it was a yummy fruit, he tried it!

Speaking of food, we are having the typical toddler fight over food.  We have a very hard time getting him to eat anything new at all, most of the time he won't even taste it.  Her doesn't eat most meat and most veggies, so he mostly subsists on bread and fruit and some dairy. I think there are less than 10 foods that he will willingly eat, and even then much of the time he refuses to eat even those. Right now it is the most frustrating thing about having a toddler.

His favorite activity at the moment is pushing buttons.  He will sit there and play with the buttons on our air purifier, his white noise machine, the xBox; anything he can find.  He is fascinated with them.  He also likes to brush his teeth, read books, put his shoes on, play with stacking rings, and run around naked (which we only let him do right before he gets in the bath). We love our little boy!  He is such a joy.

Cutest little dragon you ever did see

October update

I can't believe it's October already!  This year has just flown by. 

A couple weeks ago, Xander and I flew to TX to visit my family for a week.  He had a great time and loved all the extra attention!  It was special to see him bond with my parents and brothers.  Uncle Rob was especially attentive to him and taught him all kinds of things like shaking his head and saying "uh oh."  One of his uncles also taught him to high five, but I'm not sure which one.  I thought it was very interesting that he watched and learned from my brothers so quickly.  Nana and Grandpa took him on lots of walks and wagon rides, and let him splash his feet in the pool which he loved.  It was a great time.  We were sad to leave but very happy to go home to Daddy and our own beds!

Caleb and Xander, second cousins, eating lunch together

We also went to the county fair last month and Xander had his first experience with corndogs!  He loved it.  He also went on his first kiddie ride, which he didn't seem to know what to think about.

Xander is now walking more than he crawls, and it's the cutest thing.  He's still really wobbly.  Every afternoon if the weather is good, we walk to the mailbox which is down the street a ways.  It takes us forever to get there and back because little legs go so slowly, and he doesn't want to walk in a straight line.  For some reason he is more interested in the rocks on the road than actually getting the mail, imagine that!  ;-)  But it's a fun little excursion in the beautiful fall weather.

 He still says "ga ga" all the time, but now he also says "uh oh!" Sometimes he says it appropriately but most of the time he just copies us when we say it.  He also knows a cow says moo, a dog says "ruff ruff," he does the sign language for please, and he sticks his finger up his nose when I ask him where his nose is.  He is getting so smart.

He loves to play peek-a-boo, pat-a-cake and the itsy bitsy spider, and he loves piggy back rides.  He also loves to open and close doors.  He is so curious and always getting into mischief.  I love watching him learn and process what's going on around him.  My little baby is quickly becoming a full fledged toddler!

13 months

So I wasn't going to continue doing monthly posts about Xander now that he's past a year, but he learned so much this month that I feel like I need to write one.

Xander with Uncle Eric

 The biggest thing is that yesterday he started walking! We've been trying to coax him for weeks and he wouldn't do it and then all of a sudden yesterday I looked over at him and he was walking! Just a few wobbly steps but with no prompting from me, and he's been doing it ever since. We are so proud.

He also has made some strides in communication. He still won't say any words aside from his repeated-a-million-times-a-day "gah-den," whatever that means, but he has learned that the cow says moo and the dog says ruff. Or as he says it, "ooooooh" and "uffff." He hasn't figured out the concept of consonants yet apparently. But it's super cute. This morning when I got him out of his crib he was saying "uff uff."

And along those same lines he has learned to sign "please!" We're working on saying please when he wants food instead of screeching for it. I am just amazed at how kid's brains work. They are like little sponges, soaking it all in and then copying everything. So cool.

 

10 books

So I was tagged in the Facebook challenge going on right now to list 10 books that have influenced you or stayed with you in your life.  Don't think about it too hard and don't try to be intellectual or cultured, just honest.  I couldn't resist since I love books, so here goes.  In no particular order, and I'm not listing the Bible because that is a given.

1. Radical by David Platt.  This book transformed my faith.  It revolutionized the way I view Jesus and what being a Christian means (in a good way).  Aside from the Bible it has been the most influential book I have ever read.

2. The Help by Kathryn Stockett.  I couldn't put this one down.
3. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.  I enjoy dystopian fiction and this is my favorite.
4. The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman.  This story has a very unique setting and plot and it has stuck with me for months.
5. The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom.  I love memoirs and this one is especially poignant and challenging.
6. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.  Will forever be one of my favorites, and one of the few that I will re-read until I die. Jane Austen was a genius.
7. The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh.  Again, unique and won't leave my head.
8. The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis.  My parents read this series to us as kids and I can't wait to read it to mine.
9. Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers.  When I read this in college I was completely struck and moved by the allegory.  One of the few books that have made me cry.
10. Not for Sale by David Batstone.  This book was my introduction into the terrible world of human trafficking.  Not an easy read, but it sparked a passion for me.

Tell me about your most influential books!

What I love about being a mom

Recently I was asked why I love being a mom and I found it hard to answer on the spot.  So I've been thinking a lot about it. Why do I love being a mom?  It's definitely not all those sleepless nights where I cried right along with my baby, and the following days that are all a blur of being so exhausted I couldn't form coherent sentences and I thought I would go insane. It's not the constant string of puke/pee/poop/half chewed food/spilled milk/snot that I have to clean up on a daily basis (kids are gross, man).  It's not having to put my desires and my schedule aside to cater to the very big needs of a very small boy. It's not even the more fun stuff like reading books, going on walks, or making silly faces.  If it was just that, I could get my fix by volunteering to babysit everyone else's kids.

I love being a mom because I love my son. There's just no way to describe the mother/child bond.  It is overwhelming.  It is fierce.  It is amazing.  You love this tiny disgusting dictator with every fiber of your being and you would do anything for him if necessary.  Every time he learns something new or I see a glimpse of his personality, I am cheering him on, so proud (as all of Facebook knows due to my excessive picture and video posting).  My hard work is paid for in giggles, grins, cuddles, and extensive cuteness, and that is pretty great too.  He's my little buddy, my sidekick.  Of course my love isn't dependent on him reciprocating and I know a day will come when I will be so very uncool, so I am soaking up this stage where I am his whole world and he still loves me.

The other reason I love being a mom is that it feels so important, so rewarding.  I am helping raise the next generation.  I cannot ensure that my kids will grow up to be all that I want them to be, but it is my job to try.  Unlike any of the jobs I have had in the past, this actually means something.  And that is worth all the sleepless nights and poopy diapers in the world.