38 weeks

This week I've had some struggles.  Physically, I am fine.  But emotionally I've been a little overwhelmed.  I found out a week ago that one of the two midwifes I had been seeing is no longer working there, as in she was let go.  The other one is going to be on vacation for 5 days starting on my due date.  This means that should I go into labor during the time she is gone, the on-call doctor will be delivering my baby.  This is an abrupt departure from the guaranteed midwife delivery that I was expecting.  Because there were two midwives who could cover for each other during vacations, I had never even met any of the doctors in the practice, and the scheduled on-call doctor didn't have any openings for me to have an appointment to meet her.  This is not news you want to hear 3 weeks before your due date, so I was a little upset.  Fortunately they put me on a list for an appointment in case something opened up, and I was able to meet her yesterday.  She seems nice and she didn't have any objections to my birth plan, so that made me feel a little better.

We chose to go with a midwife over a doctor because I really want to try for a natural birth.  And I don't just mean no pain meds - I would be the first to take the meds if it didn't come with more risks than I am comfortable with.  I view birth as a normal process that your body knows how to handle and can accomplish without much medical help, except for emergencies of course.  I don't want to be induced, I don't want a routine IV, I don't want an episiotomy, and I really don't want a c-section.  I want to be able to walk around and labor naturally with as little intervention as possible.  Of course, I know that birth is unpredictable and never goes exactly according to plan, so I am going to try to be flexible, especially since I've never done this before. But that is my ideal birth, and midwives are generally more supportive of natural methods, and less likely to perform routine interventions.  I love my midwife and I trust her, so the possibility of having a strange doctor there instead is scary to me.  What if things aren't going exactly according to plan, and the doctor recommends a c-section?  If it were my midwife, I would know that if she were recommending a c-section, that really was the last option.  With a doctor I know nothing about, how could I be sure?

But God has been good to me.  In the midst of my little freak out, He has been so faithful to remind me that He is in control, through encouraging family and friends, through scripture and through worship songs that pop up on my iPod playlist.  I like to think that I can control my circumstances, and I try my hardest to do so, but in reality I can't control anything.  This is a little reminder that I need to surrender my "perfect birth plan" to God.  Maybe I don't trust a strange doctor, but I DO trust the Lord, and He has my best interest at heart.  He will never leave me or forsake me, He is the rock I can cling to when the storm hits.  This may sound a little silly, but there were two gorgeous rainbows last week on two separate days that seemed to say just to me, "See Kari?  I am still in control and I never break my promises.  I am with you."  It is still scary to me, and I am praying that this whole thing is moot and I won't go into labor while Brooke is away, but should it happen, I am trusting God.


Here is the obligatory belly shot.  My skin is stretched so tight that it actually hurts around my belly button like it is bruised.  If he doesn't come soon, I'm pretty sure I'll just pop like a balloon!  But I'm still carrying pretty high, and have had no signs of labor, so we shall see.