Sunday morning

For your Sunday morning listening pleasure, here is a worship song I am loving these days!

Ruin my life, the plans I have made,

Ruin desires for my own selfish gain,

Destroy the idols that have taken Your place,

'Till it's You alone I live for,

You alone I live for!

Reflecting

June 2 will mark my third year working at my job.  Honestly I had hoped not to hit this milestone; I so wanted to have moved on to better things by now.  But for some reason God has kept me here.

It has been a difficult year for me.  The drudgery of spending most of my time in a windowless office doing work I don't enjoy is draining.  I count down the hours until 5:00 and I count down the days until the weekend.  In the midst of it, I struggle to find joy.

This year has also been lonely for me.  It's been a year since we left our church and it has been difficult for us to reconnect.  I yearn for a community to fellowship with and friends to connect with.  It was so easy in college and so taken for granted.  I often feel isolated.  I have prayed for this, but so far God has not said yes. At my best, I know and believe that God's way is better, even if it's harder.  At my worst, I've felt abandoned.

I have been fearful of the uncertainty that lies before me, and frustrated that I can't move forward.  I am weary.  I long for renewal and peace and progress.

And yet it has not been all bad.  This year I have grown closer to my Savior and that has been sweet.  I have done a lot of repenting and a lot of studying and a lot of changing.  I have experienced a Spring season of new beginnings in my soul, if not in my physical circumstances.  I feel different this year.  More passionate, more convicted.  And it is a good feeling. 

There is a song by Laura Story called "Blessings." In it, she says, "what if my greatest disappointment and the aching of this life is a revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy." I identify with that. This world can't be enough, and it is not my home.  Only Jesus is enough.  I often wonder what God is trying to teach me during hard times.  That may be part of it.

I'll leave you with another song that is greatly encouraging to me, something I need to remember when all I can think about is myself.

"And I believe always, always, my Savior never fails!"  And I am so glad that is true.

He is Risen!

This is my favorite hymn of all time (as you probably know if you went to my wedding) and so appropriate for Easter!  My favorite are the last two verses. Rejoice in the Lord for today He has risen!

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless Babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From a life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
'Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand

Spring meditations

It's Spring!  This is my favorite time of year.  This morning I stepped out of the house to a crisp, cool, sunny morning.  The air smells good and there are wildflowers in all the green spaces along the side of the road.  Then in the afternoons it warms up to mid 70s and 80s. It makes me want to take a sick day just so I can spend the day outside and soak up the beautiful weather before the heat and humidity swoop in all too soon. 

Spring also brings Easter.  This year I have been anticipating it more than usual. I have found that observing Lent really brings about an awareness in my heart of the beauty of the gospel by forcing me to meditate on what Christ did for me. That is really what it is all about.  I am convinced that God is not interested in posturing or observing something religious just to do it.  This is evident over and over in the Bible, from the Old Testament and the New.  He wants my heart, and actions will follow.

He wants my heart.

The closer I am to Jesus, the more I realize just how sinful I am.  The more I see His perfection, the more I can identify with Isaiah.

All of us have become like one who is unclean,
   and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
   and like the wind our sins sweep us away.

There is a song by Sidewalk Prophets that I heard on the radio this morning.  Here are the lyrics that really caught my attention, and the video is below.

I am the thorn in Your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas’ kiss
But You love me anyway

See now, I am the man that called out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground
Yes then, I turned away with this smile on my face
With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night, I still called out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life

But You love me anyway
Oh, God… how you love me

God's love, the sacrifice that He made on that cross, doesn't mean much until I know the depth of my sin.  Once I realize that I am the reason He had to die, I am one of those who spit on Him and beat Him, I am Judas' kiss - then, I understand.  And His love, the beautiful grace of the gospel, astounds me.

Only when I recognize my wretchedness can I truly celebrate my salvation.

And I will definitely be celebrating on Easter morning.  I can't wait!

What's On Your Playlist?

I love music, and I think it has a lot of influence.  Sometimes if I'm listening to a sad song, I actually start feeling sad.  Or a happy sounding song can make me feel lighthearted even while doing chores. A song with a good beat helps me exercise.  And when I'm feeling negative, nothing helps me refocus on what is good like worship music. 

So just for fun, I thought I'd periodically share a song from my playlist that I'm really enjoying.

Today's is My Own Little World by Matthew West.  The lyrics have become a prayer of mine.

Father break my heart for what breaks yours

Give me open hands and open doors

Put Your light in my eyes and let me see

That my own little world is not about me 

I Don't want to miss what matters

I wanna be reaching out

Show me the greater purpose

So I can start living right now

Outside my own little world

What's on your playlist?