10 books

So I was tagged in the Facebook challenge going on right now to list 10 books that have influenced you or stayed with you in your life.  Don't think about it too hard and don't try to be intellectual or cultured, just honest.  I couldn't resist since I love books, so here goes.  In no particular order, and I'm not listing the Bible because that is a given.

1. Radical by David Platt.  This book transformed my faith.  It revolutionized the way I view Jesus and what being a Christian means (in a good way).  Aside from the Bible it has been the most influential book I have ever read.

2. The Help by Kathryn Stockett.  I couldn't put this one down.
3. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.  I enjoy dystopian fiction and this is my favorite.
4. The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman.  This story has a very unique setting and plot and it has stuck with me for months.
5. The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom.  I love memoirs and this one is especially poignant and challenging.
6. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.  Will forever be one of my favorites, and one of the few that I will re-read until I die. Jane Austen was a genius.
7. The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh.  Again, unique and won't leave my head.
8. The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis.  My parents read this series to us as kids and I can't wait to read it to mine.
9. Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers.  When I read this in college I was completely struck and moved by the allegory.  One of the few books that have made me cry.
10. Not for Sale by David Batstone.  This book was my introduction into the terrible world of human trafficking.  Not an easy read, but it sparked a passion for me.

Tell me about your most influential books!

What I love about being a mom

Recently I was asked why I love being a mom and I found it hard to answer on the spot.  So I've been thinking a lot about it. Why do I love being a mom?  It's definitely not all those sleepless nights where I cried right along with my baby, and the following days that are all a blur of being so exhausted I couldn't form coherent sentences and I thought I would go insane. It's not the constant string of puke/pee/poop/half chewed food/spilled milk/snot that I have to clean up on a daily basis (kids are gross, man).  It's not having to put my desires and my schedule aside to cater to the very big needs of a very small boy. It's not even the more fun stuff like reading books, going on walks, or making silly faces.  If it was just that, I could get my fix by volunteering to babysit everyone else's kids.

I love being a mom because I love my son. There's just no way to describe the mother/child bond.  It is overwhelming.  It is fierce.  It is amazing.  You love this tiny disgusting dictator with every fiber of your being and you would do anything for him if necessary.  Every time he learns something new or I see a glimpse of his personality, I am cheering him on, so proud (as all of Facebook knows due to my excessive picture and video posting).  My hard work is paid for in giggles, grins, cuddles, and extensive cuteness, and that is pretty great too.  He's my little buddy, my sidekick.  Of course my love isn't dependent on him reciprocating and I know a day will come when I will be so very uncool, so I am soaking up this stage where I am his whole world and he still loves me.

The other reason I love being a mom is that it feels so important, so rewarding.  I am helping raise the next generation.  I cannot ensure that my kids will grow up to be all that I want them to be, but it is my job to try.  Unlike any of the jobs I have had in the past, this actually means something.  And that is worth all the sleepless nights and poopy diapers in the world.

About a year ago, my 9lb 7oz beautiful, sweet, funny, light-of-my-life baby boy decided to make his way into this world after 27 hours of unmedicated labor (3 of which I was stalled at 9 cm) by getting his shoulder stuck in my birth canal; the maneuvering required to safely get him out ripped me quite traumatically (4th degree).

(On a side note, despite his large birth weight, he has always been slow to gain weight and has been in the bottom 25% since he was 2 months old. What's up with that?)

Yesterday I had my last physical therapy appointment (yes, they really do have PT for that, who knew) and can finally say I am healed from that event. It only took a year. You know, no biggie. I celebrated by getting a Chic-fil-a milkshake at the drive through on the way home from my appointment.

My son is worth every ounce of pain and I would do it again if I had to. But PLEASE LORD DON'T MAKE ME DO THAT AGAIN! When the time comes for baby number 2 (and that time is not now, so nobody get all excited), would you please let it go much quicker and smoother? I would really, really appreciate it, as would my husband and my bank account. Amen!

Happy Birthday Xander!

Xander, you are ONE! It's hard to believe we have had you in our lives for a whole year already, and what a wonderful year it has been.  You bring so much joy and love and laughter to our home.  

You are just shy of 20 lbs, and 29 inches long - in the 25% for both height and weight.  You are in 12 month clothing your little feet fit in a size 2 shoe.  You have 9 teeth! Your head circumference is only 44 cm, in the 5%.  You still easily fit in your infant car seat.  I love that you are on the small side - then you can be my little baby for longer!  Your hair is starting to come in thicker, but it is fine and short still.  Right now it seems your hair is light brown, and your eyes are kind of greenish gray.  I think you got Daddy's skin tone and I am glad of that! 

You are such a sweet, easygoing boy.  You happily come along with me wherever I take you.  You rarely throw fits or scream.  You play well by yourself (supervised of course), and you often quietly play in your crib for quite a while after you wake up before you start fussing for me to come get you.  I wonder if you will be introverted like me.

You are definitely a Mama's boy, but your face lights up when Daddy gets home from work.  You have finally started letting Daddy put you down for bed or naps with minimal fussing, but if I am home, you want me.  When you play, you periodically come over to see me and get some attention.  If I sit on the floor, you take that as an opportunity to climb all over me.  

You are not talking yet (other than one nonsensical "word" that you say over and over again) but you love to make noises, such a boy.  You babble a lot and blow raspberries and grunt and squeal.  You like to kick your feet and bang your sippy cup on your highchair tray. You love playing pat-a-cake and peek-a-boo, reading books, chasing after Casper, and making messes.  You definitely keep me on my toes!

You love to copy us and you pick things up very quickly!  You will wave bye bye, clap, stick your tongue out, and cluck your tongue.  When I say "how old is Xander?" you stick out one tiny finger and grin.  When you are being rough and I say "gentle hands" you start stroking me.  You are very good at helping us get your clothes on.  You are cruising like a pro, and can stand up by yourself for a few seconds, but no walking yet.  Crawling is faster!

You have decided to be a picky eater recently.  You don't like to try new foods, and we sometimes have to "trick" you into trying it by putting a cheerio on top or putting some on a spoon and feeding it to you.  When you don't want something you throw it off your tray (this happens almost every meal).  Your favorite foods are fruit (especially watermelon), applesauce, beef, peas, corn, olives, cheese, sweet potatoes, bread, cheerios and puffs, and rice cakes.  We have trouble getting you to eat most veggies, chicken, rice, and pasta.  You drink cow's milk and water, and you nurse 3 times a day.  You usually go to bed around 7:30-8, and wake up around 7.  You take two 1.5-2 hr naps.  You must have your wubbanub (pacifier) to sleep.

Xander, you are our pride and joy.  We love you more than you will ever realize until you grow up and have your own children.  We love your personality.  We love the way you laugh and grin, and the way you love to show off your new skills.  We love to see you explore and learn new things.  You are turning into such a sweet, fun little boy.  I know this year will bring lots of new developments; you will learn to walk, start to talk, and by the end of it you will be a full fledged toddler.  As much as I would like to keep you my little baby, I am so excited to see who you become this year.  I love you forever. 

Love, Mommy

Reflections

My itty bitty baby is turning ONE next week. *sniff*

And I can feel a transition happening.  My itty bitty baby is itty bitty no longer.  He is quickly morphing from baby to toddler right before my eyes.  

The first 6 months were tough.  We were so so tired.  In survival mode.  But now he is sleeping.  (I will never stop praising God for the gift of sleep.)  And crawling and cruising and babbling and all the other things that big babies/almost toddlers do.  We have a routine, and our days are pleasant again, usually.  And I have found that now that I am no longer using all my brainpower to just make it to the next day, I have a chance to think again.  And since my baby is turning one, I have started thinking about the impossibly huge and important and daunting task of, you know, actually raising a child.  

And it's not that I didn't know what I was getting into, it's just that now that it's actually upon us, I realize I have no idea what I'm doing!  This little person depends on us completely to raise him into a God-fearing, productive and kind member of society one day.  That's a lot of pressure.   

I look around me and I see a fallen and depraved world.  Every time I read the news I get more and more afraid of the world that my son has to grow up in.  Not just for his physical safety, but also for the intense societal pressure and the lies that he will have to face and combat.  

I have realized that being a mother, by necessity, has torn down the walls to my heart.  It is impossible to stop, nor would I want to.  My love for my child is fierce and unguarded, and nothing like I have ever felt before, and that is good, that is how it should be.  But it also means that my heart is wide open. I feel more deeply.  I can no longer close my eyes and my ears to the pain of this world, shut it out to avoid feeling it.   

Sometimes the fear of the unknown is stifling.  What if?  I pray every night that Xander will be safe from all harm and evil, that he will love the Lord and live for Him.  But that is no guarantee.  I pray that I will be a good mother, that I will be gentle and loving and forgiving, and yet know when correction is needed and how to best apply it.  But I know without a doubt that I am human and I will mess up, I will make lots of mistakes, I will hurt him unintentionally. 

Parenting is scary stuff, and I am only just beginning to find that out.  I can only do the best I can, and pray that God's grace will cover all my failures, resting in the knowledge that he loves Xander infinitely more than I ever could. Praise God for that.

11 months

Clapping

Xander is 11 months old!  He is such a joy.  He is always learning new things and he loves to imitate us.  He can now clap (a skill that I tried to teach him for two months and then James tried to teach him and he learned it in two days), wave, point at things, dance to music, cruise around furniture, cluck his tongue, and say "dog."  He probably says "dog" 50 times a day.  And every time I say "yaay!" he claps his hands and looks so proud of himself.  Sometimes when James or I make a funny noise or gesture, he will look at us really hard, and then try to do it himself. 

Trying to reach Casper under the gate and laughing hysterically the whole time

He loves to splash in the tub, watch the washing machine (the door is see through and right at his level), pull the toilet paper off the roll, look out the window, pull things off shelves, and play with Casper and Casper's water bowl.  We don't let him do all these things, but sometimes he gets to the water or toilet paper before I can stop him.  He's quick!  

He will eat almost everything we put in front of him - the boy loves to eat!  If James or I are eating and Xander is not, he will whine and fuss until we give him food.  The only food I know of that he doesn't like is tomatoes.  And he hasn't had them too many times so he may learn to like them yet.  But he scarfs down meat, olives, pickles, all kinds of fruit, veggies, rice cakes, bread, cheese, pretty much everything.  

Next month he will be 1!  It's hard to believe, the time has passed so quickly.

Cloth Diapers - the Dirty Details

So now that you have your cloth diapers, what do you do with them when they are dirty?

You can either use a trash can with a washable liner, or a wet bag, which is a waterproof, washable bag.  I have two wet bags that hang from the doorknob in Xander's room that I cycle through.  They hold 12-15 diapers, which is about two days worth for me.  I don't zip the bag up because I have heard that it is less stinky if the diapers are exposed to air, and believe it or not, I never can smell an odor unless I put my nose right up to the bag!

With wet diapers all you have to do is pull the insert out and put the whole thing in the bag.  The same applies for dirty diapers if your baby is exclusively breastfed (no solids, no formula) because their poo is water soluble, it just washes right out in the washer and won't clog your pipes or anything.  Once your baby has started solids or if your baby is formula fed, you have to dump their poo in the toilet before washing the diaper.  With Xander it most of the time just plops off, but if not, the diaper sprayer comes in very handy.  This is a little hose with a sprayer that attaches to your toilet that is used to get the poo off the diaper.  Once it is mostly cleaned off, I spray it with BacOut which is a natural enzyme cleaner, and put it in the wet bag until wash day.  The BacOut isn't necessary, but I think it helps keep the diaper from staining, plus it smells good, which is always a plus when dealing with dirty diapers. Once the wet bag is full, usually every third day, I dump the entire contents plus the bag itself into the washing machine to wash.

Here is where it gets tricky because your wash routine and detergent is going to differ depending on if you have hard or soft water, what kind of diapers you have, what cycles your washing machine allows, etc.  But generally people have the most luck with a short cold wash or rinse with no detergent to get the ick out, then a long hot wash with detergent for sanitizing, followed by an extra rinse to make sure there is no lingering detergent in your diapers.  Then most can go in the dryer if you prefer.  I like to hang dry the covers on a drying rack and put the inserts in the dryer.

A word on detergents: people will say you need to use a "cloth diaper safe" detergent, but I think that is bunk.  Detergents made for cloth diapers are typically not very strong, and are pretty expensive and hard to find (you have to order them usually) and many people have stink or ammonia issues when using them.  A lot of cloth diapering mamas are interested in natural cleaners, which makes sense because a big draw of cloth diapers is fewer chemicals for baby.  But I just am VERY skeptical that any natural cleaner can get your diapers clean enough.  We are talking about pee and poop here - you need a strong detergent to get the bacteria out.  I have seen lots of moms having trouble with their babies getting bad rashes in the diaper area, and unless it's an actual allergy to the detergent or the type of fabric the diaper is made out of, which can happen, I think it is often because the diapers aren't getting clean enough.  I am a huge Tide fan myself, and as far as standard detergents go, it is usually the most recommended.  I have soft water, so I use HE original powder because it washes out easier.  I used to use the BumGenius brand detergent and it left the diapers smelling strongly of ammonia.  As soon as I switched over to a mainstream detergent, that problem went away.  You can use any standard detergent as long as it doesn't have fabric softener in it; fabric softener coats the cloth, making it unable to absorb.

Another pet peeve of mine is when people will say to use LESS detergent if you are having issues.  The theory behind that advice is that you could have detergent build up on your diapers.  I don't know the science behind it so I suppose it could happen, but it just does not make logical sense to me to use less detergent on diapers because of stink problems.  If your baby is getting a rash or your diapers stink or smell like ammonia, it is probably because they aren't getting clean enough!  Use the recommended amount for the load size, or even a little more since diapers are heavily soiled. A tablespoon or less of detergent just isn't going to cut it.  I fill the scoop to line 2 which is the recommended amount for a medium load.

So anyway, if you are using a small amount of a cloth safe detergent and it is working for you, then by all means, keep on!  If it works don't change it.  But if you are having issues with your diapers, go mainstream! My diapers smell good and I can rest assured that they are getting clean.

Well I think I have rambled on about cloth diapers enough.  Thanks for indulging me!