The waiting game

I hate waiting.  Particularly when it's for an indefinite amount of time with no guaranteed result at the end.  I have had two such periods of time in my life and hated both.

The first time was when I was in college and I had to wait for two years to officially start dating my (now) husband.  It was emotional torture for me because I did not know when the waiting would end, and I didn't have a guarantee that it would work out anyway.  James could have decided I wasn't worth the wait and gone after some other girl.  (Fortunately he is very patient!) Obviously it all worked out in the end and I certainly believe that God's timing is best and I learned a lot through that period of my life. In hindsight, I wouldn't have changed it, but in the moment it was no fun.

Right now I am in another season of indefinite waiting. And let me just say, it is hard. With the uncertaintly of NASA, we've had a couple of years of preparing to be laid off at any time.  Now James has been told that he will be laid off for sure this summer.  While I am grateful that God has provided us jobs for this long, it is also frustrating to not be able to make any solid plans. I am a planner!  I thrive on knowing what is going to happen when, so this is difficult for me.

Should we sign another lease at our apartment?  I don't know, that depends on whether or not we will need to move due to getting another job in another city. (We ended up going month to month which is SUPER expensive.)

Can I sign up for volunteering as a mentor to girls at risk for human trafficking for 6 weeks this summer?  I really want to but I have no idea whether or not I can commit to that.

Additionally, I've been putting off trying to get another job for the past two years because it never seemed like the right time.  James could get laid off and find another job in another city and we'd have to move and I'd have to leave the job I just started.

Right now it seems like this will never end.  I will be stuck at a job I hate forever and James will always be wondering if he will be part of the next layoff and we will never be able to make any solid plans for anything.

I know that eventually this will all be in the past and we will look back on it and see God's hand in it.  I know that we are learning to trust God through uncertain times, and that being faithful through hard things builds character.  I know that God's vision is so much bigger than mine and following Him is better than any plan I could devise on my own. 

Sometimes it's just frustrating to know so little.