Thoughts on Motherhood

1 day old

8 weeks old

So, I've been a mom now for 2 months.  Technically 9+2 months, but the first 9 didn't require any parenting.  And I have discovered that being a mother is most exhausting but also most rewarding.  I mean, I knew it would be, but now I REALLY know. I've heard people say before that motherhood shouldn't become your identity, and I know what they mean.  They mean you don't want to lose who you are as an individual.  But really it is impossible for motherhood not to become your identity at some level.  My baby was part of my body for 9 months!  And I will always be his mother.  It's impossible to grow and birth a baby who has half your DNA and not be changed by it. It is just amazing to watch this little tiny human grow and learn.  Xander is wide eyed and alert these days and I can just see the wheels in his head turning as he stares at something that catches his eye or learns a new skill. It is incredibly humbling and scary to realize that James and I are the most important people in his little life and we will shape the man he becomes one day.  That is a lot of pressure.  

I've also heard people say that you shouldn't let your baby run your life or control your schedule, but I honestly don't know how that is possible.  They are just so needy and unpredictable at this stage.  As much as I would love to be able to go out and do fun things with my girlfriends without the baby or commit to being somewhere at a particular time, it just doesn't always work.  He will inevitably need a diaper change right when I am supposed to leave, or be crying while I'm trying to get ready.  And breastfeeding means I can't go anywhere for more than an hour or two because I am the only one who can feed him.  If I try to do too many errands in a day, he gets cranky because his sleep is interrupted so I try to limit what I do so he can be home for most naps.  My life definitely revolves around him right now, and that is OK. One day I will again have time to read a book or go on a weekend getaway with my husband, but right now my baby needs me.

There are lots of different philosophies on parenting babies.  Sears, Ezzo, Ferber, etc. all have their own methods.  And it seems that people get very attached to their particular method and things can get very heated.  I don't understand that!  Every family operates differently, and as long as you are providing a loving, caring home for your baby, you should do what works for your family.  You swear by sleep training and scheduling?  Great!  You love baby wearing and co-sleeping, great!

I am not die hard on either camp but I tend to lean more toward the attachment parenting style.  I have a routine, but not a set schedule; I feed on demand.  I love wearing my baby in a carrier!  We get great cuddle time, I can get things done around the house, and he loves it.  It is especially convenient for shopping because he hates being in his carseat, but if I put him in the carrier he happily goes along with me wherever I go.  We don't co-sleep on a regular basis, though I will put him in bed with us in the morning if I want a few more hours of sleep and he isn't sleeping well.  He sleeps in a Rock n Play next to our bed otherwise.  Crying it out may work for some people, but it just doesn't feel right to me at this young of an age.  Perhaps when he is closer to 4 - 6 months old I will feel differently, but I will probably only use that method if I am desperate.  I exclusively breastfeed, we are doing a delayed/alternative vaccination schedule, and I plan to start using cloth diapers as soon as he fits into them.  This is what works for us at this point in time and I will adjust accordingly as needed.

Being a mother is a lot of work.  It is demanding, exhausting, and around the clock; one of the hardest jobs out there.  But it is also one of the best jobs out there.  Mama love is unlike anything I've ever felt and it is so rewarding watching Xander grow and learn.  I am so blessed to be his mother and I wouldn't trade it for the world.